But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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