go do what you do best...puke behind churches
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize
