I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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