I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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