Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
