I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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