I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
