I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
