I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
