I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
