He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
