420 ftw
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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