I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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