Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
