yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
