this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
