oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
