there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
