textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
