Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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