It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
