i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
