Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
