Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Randomize
