I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
