We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
