This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
