Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
