Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
