I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
soo... how was my night?
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