We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
