i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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