you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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