I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
