You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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