one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
