$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
love makes seman taste better
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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