May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
