Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
