Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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