My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
