Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My vagina is officially offended.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
