girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
