Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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