I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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