ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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