if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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