i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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