I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The uberlube is also flammable
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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