Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
